singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
