She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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