My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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