she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're like the curious george of whores
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
