Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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