i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
