hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
