I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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