just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
