R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
