Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
