tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
