They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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