I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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