are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
