Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
