Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
