BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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