I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
