Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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