she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
