I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
