Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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