I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
