is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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