tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
