I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
