Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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