1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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