they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
zippers are such a cool invention
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
