I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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