Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
