Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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