The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
