guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
