I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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