SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
