It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
