Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
