***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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