By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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