Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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