that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
