Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
