How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
