Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
