Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
