There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
