My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
