so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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