my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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