Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
