you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
