Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
