I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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