Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.