You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.