ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this just has baby written all over it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?