My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.