I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
