when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize