How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
