Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
