so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
