do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My friends, they love my intelligence
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey