I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
