I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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