I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
