I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
