how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
