Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.

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  (612): life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix. http://tfl.nu/ht0i
  Replies (32) Good night (771) Bad night (4891)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

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  (989): News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus. (1-989): Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right. http://tfl.nu/jho0
  Replies (22) Good night (4711) Bad night (1082)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..

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  (816): just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist.. http://tfl.nu/9c4j
  Replies (48) Good night (1183) Bad night (3853)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.

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  (732): I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it. http://tfl.nu/c1o6
  Replies (5) Good night (3020) Bad night (2128)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while

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  (787): 1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while http://tfl.nu/u6qo
  Replies (17) Good night (1423) Bad night (7330)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time

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  (251): I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time http://tfl.nu/7lhp
  Replies (7) Good night (880) Bad night (2186)
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  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.

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  (681): Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most. http://tfl.nu/7o83
  Replies (12) Good night (2283) Bad night (935)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.

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  (313): its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom. http://tfl.nu/3nbn
  Replies (10) Good night (1030) Bad night (1365)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?

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  (570): Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear? http://tfl.nu/z5ck
  Replies (4) Good night (1096) Bad night (484)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.

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  (910): They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card. http://tfl.nu/0s8y
  Replies (7) Good night (1063) Bad night (582)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.

  (682): View more from Texas

  Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.

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  (210): Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that. (682): Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude. http://tfl.nu/g9al
  Replies (2) Good night (771) Bad night (1095)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  What happened to my face?

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  It was impressive.

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  (320): What happened to my face? (715): You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake. (715): It was impressive. http://tfl.nu/9g5g
  Replies (3) Good night (1294) Bad night (544)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress

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  (503): I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress http://tfl.nu/vffb
  Replies (8) Good night (575) Bad night (670)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.

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  (503): I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him. http://tfl.nu/nxot
  Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (342)
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  (585): View more from New York

  You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.

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  (585): You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster. http://tfl.nu/g207
  Replies (1) Good night (456) Bad night (229)

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