This girl is more easily done than said...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove