I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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