You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
