You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
