I like to think it a success when the cops are called
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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