You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize