He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
