dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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