is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
