Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
