1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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