I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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