i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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