I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
